Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Pushing Your Kids To Be Like The Duggars And Wait Until They Are Married To Have Sex Is A Horrible Idea

I don't watch 19 Kids And Counting because I think reproducing until your penis and/or vagina simply can't do it anymore is downright irresponsible. I basically hate everything the Duggars stand for, but a woman who doesn't wrote an interesting op-ed piece about what a good idea she thinks it is that people follow in the Duggar's footsteps and wait until they get married to have sex. No it's not. It's a horrible idea, lady. I wouldn't wish that kind of awkwardness and possible disappointment on my worst enemy - let alone my own offspring.
Kacy Faulconer writes in a post for BabbleJessa Duggar Will Have A Chaste Courtship, And My Kids Will, Too:
This year’s season of 19 Kids and Counting will feature Jessa’s chaste courtship. .. Jessa and Ben have set limits on their physical relationship until they marry; their “dates” are always chaperoned, and they won’t kiss until their wedding day.
I had a chaste courtship. Well, maybe there was a bit more hugging and kissing than Jessa and Ben have decided to pursue, but it was chaste. And I expect this of my kids. I’m not repressing them. I’m freeing them. I have sons who need to learn restraint and respect. I have daughters who will be empowered by abstinence because they can simply sidestep the issues, pressures, problems, and pitfalls of promiscuity.
Let's assume for a moment that people are adults when they decide to marry, okay? This will take away some of the shock value of confidently declaring that I don't want my children to be virgins when they get married. Since I am hoping beyond hope that neither of them decide to get married until they are well into their twenties and possibly thirties - they will probably have some sexual experiences under their belts, as they should. If my daughter or son came to me when they were in their early twenties and told me they met the person they were going to marry and had decided they weren't going to have sex or even kiss that person before the wedding day, I would be a little concerned.
But the Girls Gone Wild climate of today’s youth culture is not pro-feminism. It has nothing to do with feminism. The Miley Cyrus arc of “growing up,” becoming overtly sexy and proclaiming your independence, is not progressive. Embracing the objectification of women doesn’t make you clever. You are still objectified. And that gets to the heart of what I want to teach my kids. I want them to treat people well. And I want them to be treated well. I want my daughters to date nice boys, and when my sons go on dates, I want them to be gentlemen. Rules and supervision may seem like a throwback to some people, but to me it’s just parenting.

MIchelle Duggar is just as much of an object as Miley Cyrus, as far as I'm concerned. You think Miley represents "overt sex" and I think Michelle represents "body as baby machine." As for your definition of parenting, rules and supervision are fine when your kids are young, but "parenting" is not supervising and smothering your own children into adulthood - in matters like sex and relationships. The birds leave the nest eventually. Sending the message to your young adults that "nice boys" don't have sex is pretty damaging in my opinion.
There's nothing wrong with two responsible, consenting adults having sex. I'm more concerned about my future adult children entering into a commitment that is supposed to be "forever" with someone they are unsure they are sexually compatible with. "Chaste" courtships are the ultimate in the misguided notion that sex is something to be ashamed of, avoided and feared. It's not. Approaching it like it's some scary Pandora's box isn't good for anyone.


  1. However, that "test drive the car before you buy it" mentality to everything, as you should if you put it with sex, then we'd just test drive all our lives. At what point to you put limits on something? http://www.pregnancychildbirthandtheman.blogspot.com

    1. Well, since we're using a car analogy - if you never find one you want to buy than you should test drive all your life rather than settle for one you don't want - i.e. marriage is not a social imperative. As far as putting limits on something, I don't think it's up to me to put limits on the sex lives of my adult children.

  2. Our approach to sex is so unhealthy that we have to be in an "all or nothing" dilemma. You raise good points here.