Wednesday, November 7, 2012

First Response and Rolos

Jesus, I gotta pee. I can't do this in Target, though - can I?

I glance down at my toddler, squeezed into his crappy umbrella stroller. He looks tired and fed up with his shopping experience. Then I eye the three shopping bags I have and imagine squeezing all of us into a bathroom stall. I look down into one of the bags and catch a glimpse of the First Response box.

No way am I doing this here.

I start to rush home as fast as I can, but the umbrella stroller sucks big-time and the trip takes me longer than I'd like. Seriously I'm about to pee myself. I've almost made it to 40 without experiencing this. I'd like to maintain this small victory.

We get to the base of the brownstone steps. I take Lucien out of his stroller and fold it up, hoist him on my hip, and somehow manage to hang three heavy shopping bags from my free shoulder. I grab the stroller and start the climb.  Destination - third floor.

I fucking hate New York.

                       
I'm sweating profusely but finally inside the house. I sit on the toilet fumbling to open the package of pregnancy tests with one hand, and firmly gripping the Rolos I had just purchased with the other.  I guess this action alone should provide a hint to what the result will be.

I get the wrapper off the stick in record time. Years of trying to conceive our first child had made me very prolific with these little things.  I had gone through damn near 20 of them before I got my first, very faint line.  I remember holding it under the lamp on my nightstand trying to convince my husband it was there.  I don't see anything.  I'm pretty sure I only convinced him that I was slightly obsessed and a little crazy.

Anyway, back to the peeing.  I set the Rolos on the sink, remove the pregnancy test from the package, and commence with the testing.  A very dark line begins to appear.

One line.  There's only one line.  Phew.  I sit down on the toilet, take a deep breath and grab the Rolos. At that moment, my toddler comes walking into the bathroom, dismantling his potty.  I get up to help him with that, turn back around, and two lines are staring me in the face.

Oh shit.  I'm pregnant.  I grab my toddler and walk him to the kitchen to unpack all of the groceries I just bought.  I crumble up my receipt and glance at the coupons I earned from my day's trip.  Buy one get one free Coffee-Mate and two dollars off Tampax Gentle Glide tampons.

Very funny, universe.




23 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh, what a story! I was right there with you all the way. So well written.

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  2. This was a great read! Congrats! I didn't know the second line could come up so slowly.

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  3. Wow! What a great story! Congratulations, mama!

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  4. Congratulations! May your pregnancy be less stressful than the trip home from target. I was expecting the Rollos to get soaked with urine!!!

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  5. Wow! Congratulations! And beautifully written post!

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  6. WOO HOO!!!! CONGRATS, MAMA!!

    Although, I would have loved it if you found out you were pregnant in a Target bathroom. ;)

    Meredith (Pile of Babies)

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  7. Congratulations - I think? I didn't know it could take that long for the second line either.

    Does the coupon for tampons have a very long expiry date by chance?

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  8. CONGRATULATIONS for not peeing on the Rolos! I hope you enjoyed them. So excited for you in & this new little life; it seems over whelming now, but a year from today you won't be able to imagine life without him/her. :)

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  9. You would think they could design those things so both lines showed up at the same time! Geez! I hope the shock has worn off :)

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  10. Congratulations, lady! Also you write good :)

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  11. Congratulations! This was so well written--I was hooked with empathy for you pushing an umbrella stroller (they are terrible) while you had to pee to the last line. The universe is freaking hilarious.

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  12. Congrats but no use for that tampon coupon for a while. I would have peed. The closer I get to the bathroom, the worse the urge is. I hated umbrella strollers for the exact reason you wrote here. Are you happy with this news?

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  13. I love hearing stories of how people found out they were pregnant. This last time I was probably about 7 weeks and kind of in denial (not in a bad way, I just wasn't ready to give up my roller derby career yet) and before I was even done peeing on the stick it was positive. :) Congrats!

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  14. Congratulations! I love that you always find the humor amid the stress. I'm cybertoasting you with Rolos right now.

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  15. I think this might be the best "I'm pregnant" story I've ever read. Congratulations!

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  16. Congrats! I'm just glad you didn't mix up the two purchases in the bathroom. A wasted roll of Rolos would be a sad thing, indeed ;)

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  17. Congrats, Maria! I look forward to reading more about your pregnancy and baby #2.

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  18. Congratulations! At least you didn't wait 13 years later like we did!! But no more surprises for us

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