It's Stream of Consciousness Sunday, and Fadra's writing prompt is: Do you have a secret blogging life?
Do I have a secret blogging life? Yeah. Totally.
It's been about five months and I'm approaching 100,000 hits to this thing I have created- so there are certainly people around me that are reading it, right? I even made some cool postcards hoping people will pick them up and feel compelled to come here. I live in a neighborhood in Brooklyn that is teaming with parents, babies, strollers and nannies. I've pretty much littered the neighborhood with these cards.
In fact, as I write this I am sitting in a coffee shop watching an unsuspecting parent pick up my card and look it over. Will she keep it? Now I'm staring at her creepily to see what she will do with it.
Success! She put it in her bag.
Yes, I have a secret blogging life. I kind of like it that way because, if you haven't noticed- I don't really like to censor myself. And since I write about parenting and its quirks, obviously I have a lot of fodder around me. I probably don't want to give away to my customers that their waitress will be deconstructing their dinner conversation with their kids. And probably making fun of it. Online.
Lucien is a dead giveaway though. Let's face it- he's gorgeous. And I'm constantly plastering his face all over this thing. That head of hair is certainly recognizable. I knew it was only a matter of time before someone would connect the dots. Here's what happened.
I was at his 18 month checkup. I go the front desk to check in, and the receptionist informs me that Lucien's insurance was cancelled. She's not sure why, but we will definitely have to pay for this visit out of pocket. Oh, and the last one too. It's May, and his insurance dropped him-with no notice to me- on March 31st. I was in the waiting room, surrounded by women who are doing this better than I am. They have nannies. And nice things. And real insurance from a real job.
Great. That will be about $300 that we don't have. I have one of those I'm a failure at parenting, what the fuck am I doing, we have no money moments, and I feel a knot in my throat and the impending tears coming. I keep them at bay, grab Lucien and walk into the exam room.
Our doctor enters, sits down, and says, Okay. Are you Guerrilla Mom? You have some fans here. We love your blog. We really love it.
At that moment I get the boost of resolve that I need. I pull from the reserve well of strength that I only discovered I had after I became a mom. I look at Lucien and think, I won't let you down, kid. I can do this.
Yes, I have a secret blogging life. But it won't be that way forever.
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