I hate trying. I love coffee.

I don't want to write about this, I really don't.  But I'm going to anyway.

I'm on day two of what is intended to be a twenty one day cleanse.  I decided that I would take it week by week, because twenty one days sounds impossible- and I don't like setting myself up for failure.  Plus my sister and her husband are coming here for five days over the fourth of July, so there will probably be hot dogs and beer in my near future.

It's called The Clean Program.  You stop consuming alcohol, caffeine, sugar, dairy, most meats and wheat.  No big whoop.  You just have to give up all of the things that you love.  But you can still have of tons of juiced spinach and apples so it's not that bad.  I wish there was a special font for sarcasm.

Why am I doing this?  Because I'm sick of feeling like shit.  You know that feeling you get, when you have two mimosas at brunch, and you are ready for a nap by 2pm?  I basically get that feeling every day.  And no, I have not been having mimosas for breakfast.  Unfortunately.

When I tell people that I am constantly tired, they usually say something like, You have a toddler and you work full time.  Of course you are!  For several months, I have been relying on these responses to keep me safely in my routine, and take all of the responsibility for the way I feel off of my shoulders.  And boy has it worked.  I still feel like shit, but I have mastered lying to myself and relying on other people to blow smoke up my ass.  I've even gone so far as to correct people for giving me good advice.

Me:  God.  I am so tired.  I don't know what's wrong with me.
Random, sane person:  Maybe you should take some vitamins.  Or get a little more exercise.
Me:  Do you know how hard it is to have a toddler and work full time, with no day care or assistance, whatsoever? 
Random, sane person:  Sorry.


So last weekend I finally decided that I wasn't doing myself any favors with all of this denial and gluttony.  I've been drinking way too much coffee and wine, and eating whatever the hell I want.  That is why I feel like shit all of the time.  Not because I have a toddler and work.  There are plenty of people in my situation that are not constantly exhausted.  Pity party over.  Time for action.

I chose this particular cleanse because it is one that I have done before, with great results.  I did it at the end of a particularly hard year, complete with two miscarriages and the death of my father.  I really felt like I was carrying some sort of toxic sadness and stress around with me everywhere I went.  I was desperate for some relief.  I can't remember now what I googled to get me there, but somehow I arrived at an advertisement for the book, The Clean Program, by Dr. Junger.

I like his method because there is still food involved.  It's basically some sort of fresh juice blend or smoothie for breakfast, some lunch that does not include any food on his NO list, and more fresh juice for dinner.  I am going a little less hardcore this time around, and having the juice for breakfast and  then consuming two meals that don't include any of the NO foods.  The only downfall is that you need either a juicer, or access to somewhere where you can purchase freshly made juice blends.  You can purchase a kit from his website to avoid juicing yourself, but it is ridiculously expensive.  Rather than try to explain this any further, I'll just provide a link to the support forum where you can find information, advice and recipes.


I'm only on day two, but detoxing from all of this stuff at the same time is no joke.  You are supposed to do some pre-cleanse preparation, but of course I didn't do that.  The caffeine withdrawal is hitting me hardest.  Yesterday I was in so much pain that if the ghost of Steve Jobs came to my door with a Venti coffee, I would have probably sold Lucien into child slavery at an iPad factory.  Today, Lucien is safe from any Poltergeists that might appear.

Okay, what's done is done.  Now I have put it on the inter web, and there is some pressure to succeed- which I need.  If anyone has done this and has any tips for me, feel free to advise in the comments.