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Translation: you're late. Or, it's not possible to be late, because now is also 10 minutes ago. Or, time doesn't exist so buy a ticket to my yoga retreat.
Translation: Stop looking at me. Why is everybody looking at me? I want Cheetos.
Translation: Do these Versace frames make me look fat? I don't think so, either.
Translation: I've never completed an NYT crossword puzzle. Ever.
Translation: Buy a ticket to my yoga retreat.
Um, what?
I apologize in advance if I am poking fun at anyone's Guru, but I've been laughing so hard I nearly peed myself, so I want to share the joy.
Coming next week: Whose tweets are more annoying- Mario Batali, or Deepak Chopra?
In other news: I'm on day 8 of my cleanse. Everyone around me is still alive, and still likes me (I think). Caffeine withdrawal headaches are gone, and I'm down 4 pounds.
My thinking is obviously not on a deep enough plane to fully appreciate Deepak, which is why I only follow funny people or those who like food and sports.
ReplyDeleteI think he is hilarious. I also think he smokes A LOT of pot.
DeleteNow I need to follow him...
DeleteI think the guy's a charlatan. You could literally put "buy a ticket to my yoga retreat or failing that buy my equally cryptic books" after everything he ever says. It's like the Emperor's New clothes with this guy. He says stuff that's supposed to be deep and spiritual so people pretend to understand what he means when in reality he is assaulting science and the English language.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this. I love laughing at this snake-oil salesman.
"he is assaulting science and the English language."
DeleteHa!
I used to follow Deepak, but I unfollowed him because I couldn't ever follow what the hell he was saying. I'm sure he has some intricate backwards way of saying "dump the baggage". So in a way, I did what he told me to do.
ReplyDeleteOh my god, I almost peed myself laughing! TOO FUNNY!
ReplyDeleteyeah. deepak chopra takes himself waaaaay too seriously. maybe he should guest star on portlandia.
ReplyDelete