After the whole Chris Brown and Rhianna thing, it seemed there was something that people just couldn't get over-and it wasn't the actual beating. He's not acting like he's really sorry. Why is he acting like a total egomaniac? Why isn't he being more apologetic? He doesn't even seem to care. Everyone would have forgiven him if he were a little more humble about the whole thing. Apologize profusely. Seek therapy. Show us that you've changed. We have a long history of forgiving men who beat the shit out of women. You could have easily been redeemed, too.
Which is why I am so thrilled that he was too stupid to capitalize on manipulating the masses. He could have done it- for sure. He could have had an editor for his twitter feed. He could have not thrown a chair through a window and ripped his shirt off like The Hulk, as he walked out the doors of Good Morning, America. He just couldn't stop himself from being who he really is. And for that, I say- thanks.
Thanks for being a total abusive dirt bag, and not changing for anyone. Thanks for showing us how brutish, bane, vulgar and cocky abusers really are.
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| We all should have sent Chris Brown one of these. Wish I would have thought of it. |
Let me tell you something- violent men do not have low self esteem. They believe it is their empirical right to own another person, and beat them into submission if they don't obey. That is not the mark of someone who doesn't like himself.
And guess what? Abusive behavior is not an addiction. It is not something that is passed down from generation to generation. Studies show that 30% of children who witness abuse go on to become abusers themselves. That means 70%, a whopping majority, do not. We have to stop treating this as a disease, and treat it like what it really is- punishable, criminal, manipulative, behavior. People make decisions to be violent. Yes, I said it. People make decisions to be violent.
Violent partners are incredibly coherent, and incredibly manipulative. The whole reason we all believe that violence breeds violence is because when people get caught, they always blame their pasts; their awful, controlling, unloving moms. Their abusive dads. It's never their fault. Which makes sense if you really think about it. If you were a better wife, this wouldn't be happening. Why did you make me do it? Why did you look at that guy, you know how jealous I get? Unless you actually believe there is some kind of insanity defense here- there is absolutely no reason why you should legally care that an abusive person came from an abusive home.
The only way that we can begin to fix this huge bane on our society is to begin respecting women more. Period. We're actually okay with this stuff. We are! That's why you see a judge ordering a husband to take his wife bowling and to Red Lobster , as punishment for battery. So, yeah, if you don't believe women are second class citizens, and tantamount to property in this country- you really haven't been paying attention.
No birth control. No abortion! She deserved it! Too many kids. No kids? Whore! Prude. Slut. Domineering. Pathetic!
We can't do anything right. Culturally, we're fucked.
That's why I truly believe that it's not their pasts that are making these men violent. Our culture is- by proving to these manipulators that they can get away with it. We don't value women. Beat. Apologize. Be redeemed. Period. Case in point- Kevin Powell.
Kevin Powell basically built his whole career on redeeming his violent past. He was abusive. He realized the error of his ways. Now he mentors men to "learn to listen to the voices of women and girls." Gloria Steinem even endorsed him for Congress. Gloria Steinem.
I'm not saying he hasn't done good things- his choices are definitely better than the alternative. What I'm saying is- excuse me for not wanting to give this man a medal for building a whole career on deciding not to assault and intimidate women anymore.
I'm broke as hell, and would like to rob a bank. Do I get landfalls of praise bestowed upon me because I don't? No. I'm generally just expected to be a decent human being. In turn, I expect it from everyone else. This is probably why, no matter how much work he does to redeem himself, Kevin Powell will never be my personal hero.
And how about Charlie Sheen? His long history of abuse never got him dropped from his cash cow of a sitcom. How many times was he arrested for this? It wasn't until he mouthed off to his producer that he finally got canned. So let's recap. Beat your wife repeatedly- we can get beyond that. Insult your male boss- How dare you? Fired!
I'm so sick of this shit. I'm seriously beginning to lose faith in mankind. The only way that I can rectify it- the only thing I can do- is continue to be so pro-woman that it hurts. We've got a mountain to climb, ladies. And I won't stop stirring the pot, until we get pissed enough to demand more.

While I appreciate the rant...really I do, I beg to differ on two points. They fucking hate themselves, and they are products of terrible childhoods.
ReplyDeleteHaving been raised by an abuser, and married to an abuser for 10 years, I stand solid in my opinion.
Good Piece, though.
Right on, Maria! You've laid this out beautifully. Real men respect and support the women in their lives. And they don't deserve a medal for just being decent human beings!
ReplyDeleteThat Congress is even debating the Violence Against Women Act - instead of unanimously voting for it - tells us everything we need to know.
--Debbie T.
http://www.queeried.com/christian-group-turn-up-with-placards-to-gay-pride-to-say-sorry/
ReplyDeletea friend of mine posted this photo on Facebook of a Christian group apologizing to the LGBQT community for how they've treated them in the past. It reminded me of your views on Kevin Powell, which I agree with. Yeah, it's nice that you're apologetic, but is an apology all it will take?
I guess in this case it's not really my call to make, since I'm not a part of that group, although I do support LGBQT. I think it's up to them to decide how they want to handle such an apology, whether they want to accept it or not.
But I am a woman. And I can't get behind any man that beats a woman and then later goes on to actually BUILD A CAREER around apologizing for it. Nothing like a little personal gain to go along with what should be a selfless act. I can't believe that that apology was truly heartfelt. It's almost like a little lightbulb went off in his head. "I know! If I say 'I'm sorry!', maybe THAT will get me elected!" I gotta call bullshit on that one.