Saturday, February 25, 2012

Hate Mail- I Have Arrived.

I got my first few pieces of hate mail this week.  I have arrived.

I've always been restricted to pissing people off in person.  Now I have the global reach of the Internet- woohoo!   Turns out, technology doesn't suck after all.

Here's my favorite from this week:
You should change the name of this blog to "Uptight Mom" or "Overreacting about other people's kids Mom" or "I am too opinionated and overbearing for my friends and family, so I started a blog Mom."

This was in response to one of the first entries I wrote, about not bringing children to bars.  Thanks Jesse, for making me realize I need to re post this for my new readers.  And since you took time out of your busy day to come visit my blog and comment,  I think it's only decent that I take the time to respond. 

Sorry Jesse- didn't mean to ruin your night out.
Uptightmom.blogspot would be good- but I think I might go with, instead. Thanks for reading!

Here is the original, ire provoking post in all of its glory.  I initially titled it, I'm Not on Your Side, but I'm changing it to No, Your Baby Cannot Come Into the Bar- Not Now, Not Ever. 

NO, Your Baby Cannot Come Into the Bar- Not Now, Not Ever. 

     I gave birth to the most perfect specimen that ever lived, is living, or will live.

     It is hard for me to put into the words the indescribable joy I feel in the morning, when he wakes up smiling.  Or while he is eating when he uses his perfect little fingers and with surgeon-like precision places each pea, individually, into his mouth.
     I could spend every minute, of every day, just staring at his little perfect face.

     Until the moment, when I can't stare at his perfect little face anymore.

     He is amazing and beautiful, and all the reasons why the world is perfect when it manages to be.  But I am a human being, still, and I need some ME time, damn it.  And I don't think that makes me a bad Mom.
     When I need this me time, sometimes I like to go somewhere where there is no "Goodnight Moon" to be read, where I won't trip over a Batmobile replica, where Yo Gabba Gabba isn't playing in the distance.  Somewhere so absolutely adult, that it is unlawful for children to be there.  Yes, I'm talking about a bar. 

     Remember when bars where child-free zones?

     Living in Brooklyn, it is amazing what a stir a bar that won't allow children  causes.  Yes, you are hearing me correctly.  A Bar.  The last safe haven for adults.  May I also add, as someone who has worked in the bar business for a long time, not the safest place for a toddler.  Look at any Brooklyn blog that touches on parenting, and this issue will definitely have been raised.  One bar in Park Slope, a family friendly section of Brooklyn, stopped allowing strollers.  Man, oh man did that piss the mommies off.  "How will I be able to appropriately handle my martini if Brynne isn't securely fastened to her seat?"  Holy shit.  Is it me- or is this ridiculous?
     The really funny thing is, if these people recognize me from the park and realize I am a fellow parent, when their child acts up they give me that little knowing eye, like,  Hey you!  Hi!  You're a parent, too.  You know how it is when you're trying to get your drink on and everyone is looking at you and your child, all judgey and annoyed?  What is up with them?  I'm so glad you're here, fellow breeder, to support me in my plight!

     Um, no.

     If I need to get away from the sounds of my own child,  whom I carried for nine months and had sliced from my womb,  whom I love more than anything on this planet- do you really think i want to hear yours?  The answer is no.  Take your child to the park.  Come back later without her and we can talk about something other than our children for a few minutes, in this safe haven-  this child-free zone.

     And until you realize this don't look to me for the understanding eye contact.  It ain't happening.


  1. Really? People bring their kids to the bar? That's probably the last place I'd bring my child.

  2. Dear Jesse, You are an idiot alcoholic. I'm a mom who loves to get her drink on, but kids don't belong in a bar. Ever. Nor the riffle range, running on the freeway, or behind the wheel of a car. You seem to be confused about the appropriate environment for your kid. Lastly, Maria is anything other than uptight.

    1. Thank you, my little pit bull xoxoxoxo

  3. I didn't think it was possible for me to adore you anymore than I already did, and yet... I find myself wanting to buy you flowers and make organic baby food for your adorable baby...

    I say that because jherning took my initial response and said it a lot more eloquently than I would have.

    1. Flowers and organic baby food would be awesome- ha! jk Thanks lady!

    2. We'll see about flowers if I ever make it to NYC-- I have a feeling that I'd end up in a sit com style green goop covered kitchen looking frazzled if I tried to make baby food lol (though I could totally do pictures of that as a consolation prize)

  4. You really have to wonder about the lack of brain cells in people who think they should be bringing a BABY into a bar.

  5. I hope the hate mail only motivates you more to keep writing!!! You rock - Jesse does not.

  6. @ Sara- I actually kind of love it. I have a sick sense of humor.

  7. I just discovered this blog yesterday (a friend posted it on Facebook). It's fantastic and totally right on. I am a new mom myself and yes, I agree with everything you've written in this post and others. I absolutely adore my baby, but she does not belong in a bar and neither does anyone else's. Even though I've lived in the city for over 10 years (5 in Brooklyn), it still amazes me how whacked out some Brooklyn parents are. I could go on, but each time I think of an example, you've already covered it! Thanks for the good read.

  8. Maria ROCKS! I'm so proud of you, and your hate mail, gurl! From your non-uterus having hi-kicking homosexual admirer!

  9. I prefer to bring my babies to the crack den.

  10. i hate to admit it, but i was out at a bar last March the weekend before i had my daughter for my good friend's birthday(and for the record it was fun but absolutely exhausting and i felt like everyone was staring at me, and NOT in a good way lol!)but i would NEVER take my child to a bar that is no place for a baby and why would anyone want a bunch of drunk people around their baby anyway?!? all your haters can suck it, you rock Maria!