Saturday, January 28, 2012

I'm not on your side.

     I gave birth to the most perfect specimen that ever lived, is living, or will live.

     It is hard for me to put into the words the indescribable joy I feel in the morning, when he wakes up smiling.  Or while he is eating when he uses his perfect little fingers and with surgeon-like precision places each pea, individually, into his mouth.
     I could spend every minute, of every day, just staring at his little perfect face.
     Until the moment, when I can't stare at his perfect little face anymore. 

     He is amazing and beautiful, and all the reasons why the world is perfect when it manages to be.  But I am a human being, still, and I need some ME time, damn it.  And I don't think that makes me a bad Mom.
     When I need this me time, sometimes I like to go somewhere where there is no "Goodnight Moon" to be read, where I won't trip over a Batmobile replica, where Yo Gabba Gabba isn't playing in the distance.  Somewhere so absolutely adult, that it is unlawful for children to be there.  Yes, I'm talking about a bar. 

     Remember when bars where child-free zones?

     Living in Brooklyn, it is amazing what a stir a BAR that won't allow children  causes.  Yes, you are hearing me correctly.  A Bar.  The last safe haven for adults.  May I also add, as someone who has worked in the bar business for a looooong time, not the safest place for a toddler.  Look at any Brooklyn blog that touches on parenting, and this issue will definitely have been raised.  One bar in Park Slope, a family friendly section of Brooklyn, stopped allowing strollers.  Man, oh man did that piss the mommies off.  "How will I be able to appropriately handle my martini if Brynne isn't securely fastened to her seat?"  Holy shit.  Is it me- or is this ridiculous?
     The really funny thing is, if these people recognize me from the park and realize I am a fellow parent, when their child acts up they give me that little knowing eye, like, "Hey you!  Hi!  You're a parent, too.  You know how it is when you're trying to get your drink on and everyone is looking at you and your child, all judgey and annoyed?  What is up with them?  I'm so glad you're here, fellow breeder, to support me in my plight!"

Um, no.

     If I need to get away from the sounds of my own child,  whom I carried for nine months and had sliced from my womb,  whom I love more than anything on this planet- do you really think i want to hear yours?  The answer is no.  Take your child to the park.  Come back later without her and we can talk about something other than our children for a few minutes, in this safe haven-  this child-free zone.

And until you realize this don't look to me for the understanding eye contact.  It ain't happening.


  1. Lol! This is a big thing in Nashville these days, too - people are all up in arms because a trendy neighborhood restaurant decided to go child-free. There are plenty of places kids can go, and plenty of people who appreciate it when there are places kids can't go! That guy can make a martini at home and get over it!!!

    1. Ha- agreed! I think with the trendy neighborhoods, come the entitled parents who don't want to be told 'No' about anything, ever. Thanks for reading!

  2. Looooooove it. Adults should have a place to be adults. Period. Well writtem sis. -ron worthy

  3. Preach it! Love my kids, love me too. Now my daughter is 18 I don't go out with her, she doesn't go out with me. I have trained her well!!

  4. You should change the name of this blog to "Uptight Mom" or "Overreacting about other people's kids Mom" or "I am too opinionated and overbearing for my friends and family, so I started a blog Mom"

    1. Sorry, Jesse, kids don't belong at bars. That's just shitty parenting. If you think it's okay to have your kids around cigarettes and booze, then you are just a shitty parent.

    2. Sorry Jesse- didn't mean to ruin your night out.
      Uptightmom.blogspot would be good- but I think I might go with instead.

    3. Simply fabulous!
      I 100% agree. No kids in bars. Not trendy NYC bars, Not the nitty gritty sawdust and peanuts on the counter Southern bars.
      I may not be miss manners or all up on the newest trends in the "BIG CITY" (I do live in Houston btw!)...but taking a baby in a bar is the equivalent of taking them to the grocery store in nothing but a diaper. Trashy!